Saturday, February 12, 2011

Broken Pipes And Cactus Rays

Since Hillary’s done such a good job explaining what we’ve been up to for the past few weeks, I thought I’d give a glimpse into some of the odd things we’ve learned/experienced here in Quba.  Enjoy!
Gas:  You might have already seen the pictures, but our house is on a street covered with mud and road debris.  This is because the gas pipes “are being worked on.”  Before we arrived in December, our road was torn-up to gain access to the pipes.  I have not yet seen any municipal workers, or any kind of repairs taking place.  My host family explains that this is because the city of Quba is now secretly diverting gas to a village a few kilometers away.  The really don’t seem to care for the village people.
Deadly Rays:  In Hillary’s office, there are small potted cactus plants on a desk.  This is to absorb the nasty rays and bad energy that comes from the computer.  Don’t worry, it also works on televisions too!
Bus:  There is a giant bus parked on our street every night.  Like, a full-size Greyhound bus.  Apparently our neighbor is a busdriver with a route to Baku, and he just takes his ride home every night.  My host brother Emin said nonchalantly, “No problem, this bus very comfortable.”
Ice Cream:  In every market there’s an ice cream freezer, but at this point in the year it is filled with giant blocks of butter and salt-cured dried fish.  This is because it is “olmaz,” or not permissible to sell frozen treats in wintertime.  Why?  Well, if you eat ice cream in winter you’ll get sick of course!  (HOWEVER, when I was in Baku recently, the local Baskin-Robbins seemed to be doing pretty well.)
Table etiquette:  Last month some Azeri family friends dropped by for the 4-hour ritual that is “guesting,” i.e. dinner and vodka with friends.  We only have 4 chairs in our home, so we pushed the table over to the couch to accommodate everyone.  I was on the couch, leaning forward to hear the conversation.  It was cold, so I crossed my arms to keep warm.  As soon as he saw this, one guest quickly told me that this gesture was “so wrong,” and that I could only cross my arms at work.  If I cross them at home, it means that I will have a very bad career.  (When it happened again, the guy jumped out of his chair and started hitting my forearms to bring his point home.  Did I mention the vodka?)
He also explained that if you clear the entire table right after the end of the meal, you will only live to be 50 years old.  BUT, if you only clean up half the table, you can live to be 100.
Quba Mornings:  Like I said, our home is cold.  How cold, you ask?  Well, most mornings when I walk from the kitchen back to our bedroom after brushing my teeth, I can see my breath in front of me.
Pipes:  Houses in Azerbaijan are constructed out of concrete, so there’s no insulation.  This means that pipes freeze in wintertime.  Our family solves this problem by turning all faucets on full-blast overnight.  The outside sink is right below our room, so we fall asleep to the sound of our very own chilly rain forest.
Names:  While explaining my family tree to him, my host brother Ayaz became quite frustrated with the pronunciation of American names.  He asked “Why so many difficult names, there’s Robert, Jobert, Gorbert, so difficult.”  He further explained that Azeri names are so simple and easy.  Here’s a short list: Bilgeys, Etibar, Orxan, Mirjabiv, Qorsumaz, Ilkin, Ulker, Aygun, and Sezxan.  And those are just the first names.
Fame:  Last week, a high-school girl walked by me and said “Mr. Joey, why you don’t teach my class, Mr. Joey you are my best friend.”  I had never met this young lady.
As you can see, we’re absorbing a lot.  We'll work to keep you updated as often as we can... as long as we don't eat too much ice cream or cross our arms too often.

Much love from icy Azerbaijan!

 - Joey


  1. Hilarious. AZers almost seem a little superstitious, hehe. Reminded me of stories my friend, who married a girl whose family is from Armenia, told me about how superstitious her family is. Then I looked it up on the map and realized Armenia's right next door to you, so that makes sense!

    Love these blog posts! Keep em coming. We miss you both.

  2. I didn't know about the cacti! Thanks for such a useful tip! Also, so happy (and not surprised) that Joey is already so popular.

  3. This reminds of something I told while growing up in Brazil. We were choosing numbers for our basketball team and I wanted to be #24, the number of one of my favorite player at the time, Tom Chambers. One of my teammates told me everyone know that wearing 24 meant you were gay, to which all my teammates agreed by nodding gravely.

    PS - Did you know your blog is the first search result on google for "Joey and Hillary"?